What a bastard! This is so fucking unreal. It's like I only get to have one parent surfacing at a time. Oh, and what's with him showing up at the funeral? I mean, what the fuck is that, Mom? (Angrily) Since when does Dad even have a clue what the hell is going on in our lives? Do you think maybe you could tell me that? It's sick, you know. (pause) It's worse than when Dad left because at least then I had you. (pause) None of those people today cared about you, Mom. And who do I have? No one! My friends aren't here. Screams, frustrated.) Aaaaauuuuuughhhh! This fucking sucks! I can't believe how much this sucks! You're not supposed to be gone yet, Mom! This whole fucking mess sucks! Penny? She's so fucking whiny! It's like she has no other way to relate to me except to sob on me. now that I have your attention, I don't know what to. Short laugh.) I always wanted you to listen to me. (stands up and starts pacing)So let's talk. She sits down.) And let's get something clear: I'm not saying goodbye to you now. (finishes the cigarette and opens a beer. (sighs) All that time and I never said goodbye to you. ![]() I had so many chances to say goodbye to you and you kept telling me. (long pause) I know I should have been there. Yes, I think that's it! Of course that's it. All I'd have to do to avoid these things was to believe in myself, have some confidence. It's hero worship gone horribly awry, something about not having the confidence to want to see someone actually interesting. Then I'd ask him how he knew and he'd tell me that it's a pretty common thing, he used to go though something similar. So then I'd tell him that Keanu never showed, with or without his leather Matrix jacket. So I'd admit to sometimes feeling like I'm on stage and he'd ask me if I'd like to see Keanu Reeves appear and I'd deny that too, but he'd see though it again. I'm sure he'd ask me, "Do you occasionally feel like you're on stage?" and I'd say no but he'd see though it because he'd be a good psychiatrist, and I'd never go see a bad one. He'd most likely tell me it was 'advanced projected schizophrenia' or something. Maybe I should go see a psychiatrist about this. I know you're wondering about the whole Keanu Reeves thing, but even if he can't act he can say "woah" with the best of them and if he wore his Matrix costume he wouldn't have to say a thing. But you wanna know the worst part? Would Keanu Reeves please stand up? See? He's not here! He's never here! I'm so broken that I can't even control my own hallucinations even after I've accepted that fact that they're hallucinations. That's gotta be depressing, but don't worry about it, you'll cease to exist once I've finished thinking about you. I bet you didn't know that, and I kinda hate to break it to you because I'm sure you think you're real, but I just made every one of you up. ![]() On the plus side nothing is ever my fault, I can always point the finger at someone else. I'm like that one guy in that one 80's movie, I do everything that everyone tells me to do. ![]() ![]() I know what you're thinking, "Surely you jest, who would not love you?" The answer is the source of my pain and the reason I cannot heal. I wasn't even blessed with being tortured, Poe and Dante were tortured, I am simply ineffectual and unloved. Do what I need to make you feel good What? No applause? Now you see what I'm talking about, broken.
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